When I was young whipper snapper I lived in a dream world filled with toy trucks, dirty feet, odd colored basketballs, and cocker spaniels. It was in this dream world that I conjured up my scewed view of reality, and how I thought the world operated. I didn't know any better. I was naive, but who isn't at the archaic age of 6? I was also what some would call a "latch key kid". And to be honest, there was nothing "latch key" about it. I seriously roamed about aimlessly. I should've gotten kidnapped or something. But it was during these alone times my world view took shape and molded me into who I was as a child.
And boy was I a weirdo.
Looking back at it I had some misconceptions.
So, in the spirit of mockery, lets take a stroll down naivety lane and discover the deluded thoughts of young Jeff. Shall we???
Misconception # 1: I thought I was destined to be an NBA superstar.
I think I can blame this one on my parents. They bought me one of those tiny tike's break away basketball hoops when I was like 6, and boy did I love the thing. Imaginary defenders had no chance at guarding me. With every swish and two handed jam I thought I was well on my way to being MJ's wing man (move over Scottie). My two handed jumper was smooth as silk, and my post moves were something Mikan only dreamed of. I was dominate. Or at least I thought.
This dream was shattered when I realized I was: 1. White. 2. Short. 3. Had the shooting form of girl that played high school basketball. Seriously, I shot with two hands. John Wooden would've slapped my mom if he would've seen my form.
Misconception #2: I thought if robbers broke into my house, and saw me sleeping they wouldn't murder me.
For some reason I thought robbers were courteous.
Misconception #3: I thought everyone was a Republican.
I grew up in Stillman Valley until the age of 11. If a Democrat has ever lived in Stillman I'm sure he's been lynched or something. Plus, I went to a Baptist church. Ever met a Baptist that's a Democrat, besides Rudy (Berean people will know who this is.)? I lived in a conservative world, surrounded by conservative people, who voted Republican. Need I say more?
Misconception #4: I thought if you drove through downtown Rockford you'd get murdered.
Actually, I still think this.
Misconception #5: I thought if you didn't have money a check could be written to solve all of your monetary problems.
For some reason I thought that a check was a magical piece of paper that could trump poverty and deficit. I eventually figured out that if you don't got it, don't spend it. Can someone tell our government this?
Misconception #6. I thought tight rolling your jeans was cool.
I grew up with an older brother (as seen in the picture to the right.) being one of my biggest influences. This created a major conundrum.
The question was this: How could I be like my older brother?
The possible answers: 1. Have a crap ton of girlfriends. 2. Tight roll my pants.
For some reason I chose #2. I kept the fad alive until 4th grade. I can only hope kids made fun of me for it.
Oh, to be young again....