My career as a myspacer is over.

Sometimes epiphanies spring forth through the darkness of thought. I've been privileged to have maybe one or two of these in my life time. OK, maybe I've only ever had one, but who's counting?!? But the one I had was beyond comprehension.

Allow me to share it with you:

I'm not a teenage girl.

Now, before you go ape crap on your computer screen out of pure hysteria, let me explain myself. As it turns out, I'm a 24 year old water drinkin', banana eatin', Bible readin', Sufjan Stevens listenin', Levi wearin', '93 Honda Accord drivin' dude that enjoys a cowboy snap shirt here and there. So, when discovering who I am, it should come as no surprise to you that this epiphany came as a shock to me, or did it? My life isn't consumed with purses, hearts, being emotionally unbalanced, shopping at the "alternative" clothing store Hot Topic, shopping at Abercrombie & Fitch, watching The Hills, daydreaming about Nick Jonas, reading Teen Vogue, using text lingo when I shouldn't, drooling over Zack Efron (I was able to find a Teen Vogue with Zack Efron on the cover. Does this score me extra blogger points??), listening to 97 ZOK, and posting self portraits of myself on myspace.

So, I guess when you sit back and compare my life to that of a teen aged girl, my epiphany wasn't really a divine manifestation at all. But more of a wake up call to a glaring flaw in my own life.

It was during this wake up call that I realized that I needed to delete my myspace page.

And who was I kidding?!? I didn't need a wake up call to know this!! My slothfulness was just delaying the inevitable termination of my once favorite networking web site. And truth be told, another networking site had stolen my heart! It almost felt like I was cheating on a long time girlfriend with a hot new seductress or something. And who could blame me? The new dame was classier, better looking, more professional, more fun to be around, and she already knew all of my friends!!!

Happy with my new found "relationship", I knew I had to cut all ties with my old one. This, to be honest, was hard to do. Each time I'd go to cancel, I'd be remembered of the good times we had shared: the blogs, the witty about me's, the comments, the pictures, and the videos. Oh, such blissful moments, but they needed to be terminated. And they needed to be forgotten. So, on that damp dreary day on March 2009, I conjured up enough fortitude to correct one of my numerous life problems.

I deleted my myspace page.

Thus deleting any lingering associations I may have had with the teenage girl population. This, my friends, was a joyous occasion.

But I live in fear that my new networking lover is going down the same path that my ex lover dared to trod. With every new quiz, mafia invite, knighthood request, and overly romantic status update (You've seen these, and they've probably made you blow chunks.) my love for her dissipates. Will I ever be able to escape the annoyance of teeniedom??

So, as I live day to day and await the arrival of mind blowing revelations, you'll be able to find me caught up in the hysteria of social networking and living in complete harmony with the teen aged girl population.